The Way Laws Are Made

Gratitude for all the sex toy makers and sellers that did time so that I didn’t have to

I was invited many years ago to go to Washington DC and speak at the Woodhull Freedom Foundation to talk at their Sexual Freedom Summit in an all-day symposium on The World Health Association’s Declaration on Sexual Rights which was proclaimed in 1997, revised and approved in 1999 and ratified in 2014.

The Declaration states that “Sexual rights are human rights pertaining to sexuality” and they include:

1. The right to equality and non-discrimination.

2. The right to life, liberty and security of the person.

3. The right to autonomy and bodily integrity.

4. The right to be free from torture and cruel, inhuman, or degrading treatment or punishment.

5. The right to be free from all forms of violence and coercion.

6. The right to privacy.

7. The right to the highest attainable standard of health, including sexual health with the possibility of pleasurable, satisfying, and safe sexual experiences.  

8. The right to enjoy the benefits of scientific progress and its application.

9. The right to information.

10. The right to education and the right to comprehensive sexuality education.

11. The right to enter, form, and dissolve marriage and other similar types of relationships based on equality and full and free consent.

12. The right to decide whether to have children, the number and spacing of children, and to have the information and the means to do so.

13. The right to the freedom of thought, opinion, and expression.

14. The right to freedom of association and peaceful assembly.

15. The right to participation in public and political life. 16. The right to access to justice, remedies and redress.

It was there that I first got to tell this tale. But first a little preamble, cause it’s been a while.

When I entered the industry in 1997-1998 I had some advantages. I had the privilege of being small framed and looking younger than my age. I was 34, but could still get carded. I was also a third-generation secular jew, who looked Jewish; I’ll go into why that was a huge advantage in a minute. I was cute and nice and non-threatening to those already seated at the table. I didn’t call them out.  I didn’t accuse them of anything. I didn’t confront them on anything. I didn’t say 90% of what your selling I wouldn’t put in my body or near the body of anyone I care for. I met them where they were. I had my bag of dildos and I educated the marketplace on why my dildos, specifically dildos made of silicone, were important to have in all stores all across the country. I was kind and I was considerate. I had mindfully figured out exactly what my approach would be before I even began. It was a big educational experience. I taught them about health. I taught them about body sensitivities and hormones and hormone inhibitors. I was a consumer advocate. I had a beautiful mission. I loved what I did. It was my dharma.

I was also raised by my grandmother, and I had always enjoyed her tales. I’m a very good listener and besides my grandmother, I schooled myself from the time I was in high school to be present when any peer was orating. In Health class, we each had to give a big oral presentation, I sat midsection in the class and with my eyes smiling and ever attentive. I quietly encouraged each student at the front to do their best and if they were nervous they could just talk to me and pretend there weren’t 28 others in the room with us. So, in the bars at night at the trade shows, I was privileged to hear many stories of the adult industry unfurl. I honestly don’t know how I got to be this lucky in life.

I remember the evening I was sitting a little away from the bar with Tom Stewart from Sportsheets™ one AMNE (Adult Manufacturers of Novelties Exposition). I was drinking drinking scotch neat. I don’t know what Tom was drinking. I can’t recall how long we’d been friends when this happened, but after we’d spent some years together at ladies’ nights and trade events, if he was solo and not drinking beer with KB, his wife, he often indulged in scotch with me. That night Teddy strolled over to us in our quiet corner of the room. Teddy Rothstein was a legend. He founded Nasstoys, originally Nasswalk, in 1975 and had been in the industry since the mid 60’s, but he didn’t work the booth at the shows. He was in Studio City where the original Adult Novelty Manufacturers Exposition met for the schmooze at the bar and for the golf. Elliot Schwartz ran the booth, or perhaps more truthfully the sales team of Big Tony Sicilia and the incredible Kathryn Hartman.

Tom, Myself, Teddy, KB and Eddie Hayes. I suspect the photo was taken by Julie Stewart.

Teddy was always the most dapper, put together man in the room. His suits were tailored, his golf attire just so and whatever he wore, highlighted the healthy sun soaked skin he had from being outside on the grass so much of the time. I’d known Teddy, we’d been introduced but we’d never really talked. I don’t know why he chose us but that night he shared part of his story with the two of us. When he eventually walked away to find old friends, Tom and I turned to each other our mouths agape, knowing that what we’d been given was a magical moment of truth. A history lesson we would never forget.

Year’s later when I was asked to speak at Woodhull on this important Sexual Rights symposium it was with one of my most cherished industry friends, Greg DeLong. Greg co-founded NJoy. His first adult business meeting outside of Rhode Island where he lived, was with Babeland at the 2005 AMNE in Pasadena. It was a meeting in a quiet corner of the convention lobby and Rachael Reiley, their toy buyer at the time, called me over.  I was actually pulled into the meeting. Greg sat there with his  business partner Chris while I looked at their stainless steel toys, it was incredible how trusting they were. I told them and Babeland exactly what I thought. They were clearly incredible sculptures, so sleek, it was an amazing line just waiting for money to come in so they could to produce it.  They needed some industry coaching though. They needed to know industry pricing standards because they had no idea, and they had one piece was too close to a patented toy and would have legal problems if they brought it out (they didn’t listen and that’s exactly what happened a cease and desist).  I took their card, gave them mine, and I later mentored them as best I could on phone calls and at shows.

Greg is wonderful. But I know Greg, and he does no prep to talk. I read and reread the Sexual Rights Proclamation and organized an hour conversation we could have that would be relevant. I sent him the outline, asked him for input.  I never heard from him. In the hall before we went on I asked if he’d read it. He hadn’t. I told him my outline,  he was cool with whatever I wanted to do—he’d just wing it. For me this was no surprise, I knew it would be this way.

In front a a large filled conference room, I began thanking everyone and telling them that we had been asked by Woodhull to speak for the industry and qualifying ourselves. Tantus and NJoy were damned elite representatives to speak for such a vast machine of adult novelties. In my mind, we’d barely had a seat at the table long enough, but here we were.

Myself and Greg DeLong at Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit photo by Louis Shackleton

So I started with the fact that sex toys as an industry was begun by Jews. Immigrants and children of immigrants who thought the risk was worth the reward. It began with pictures and stag reels sold out of trunks, and then out of stores and eventually added toys. It was begun by Jews because other industries weren’t really open to them. It began as a way a marginalized people made a living to support their family. One of the reasons I was accepted so easily inside by the movers and shakers in the industry was that I looked like I might be a daughter or a niece to the founders of the businesses; I looked like I belonged. And then I told this tale. I started by telling them how laws were made. I started telling them Teddy’s story, the one he’d shared with Tom and I.

Teddy had stores in the 42^nd Steet area of Manhattan in the 60’s. They were adult magazine stores selling pictures of naked women. At some point someone added some sex toys to these type of stores- come for the spank material and maybe pick up something to spank with. In the early days they were all dicks. They were beige rubber but there weren’t many sizes or styles. They sat near the cash register- a last minute add on to your purchase. They added to the bottom line. Anything to add onto the bottom line. Teddy said he had four or six stores. Nice dirty magazine shops with a few “dongs”. And he paid the police a nice chunk of change each week, like you did, so they wouldn’t raid him. It was all just business.

There was a guy who owned a store in New York, probably right around the corner. He got raided. Got put in jail and charged with selling obscene objects- dildos, but the prosecutor cut him some slack. Just plead guilty and pay $100 and you can walk. And walk he did. And that’s how easy it was. This easy get cleaning up of a potentially messy situation, set precedent.  It made it illegal to sell dildos in New York City. There were no laws signed or ratified. The line of obscenity was drawn.

Teddy didn’t stop selling dongs though (God, I hate the word dongs. It’s a Teddy word though and I can hear his voice as I write it). The prosecutor had a hair up his ass about the rubber dicks and Teddy was warned by his friends in blue that they were coming. Actually, they told him exactly which evening they were coming for him, he got something from the payola. Teddy with foreknowledge, told his store employees to hold tight, not to worry he’d have them all bailed out. He was fighting this absurdity.

Come they did, the boys in blue, to confiscate his obscene merchandise and locked up all the clerks and I believe he was fingerprinted too. True to his word he bailed them all out. He didn’t  pay a nominal fee to make it all go away,  he waited for it all to go to a judge.

Teddy said courts back then were different. The dockets weren’t so crowded, they didn’t take so long. And one night, even though the prosecutor filed charges against each store location separately, they all came before the court. Teddy rejoiced telling this history. I am not doing him justice…

The first case was seen by the judge and the prosecutor gave his argument with testimony from the police officers from the raid, and told of the precedent from the case that had been pled, and then Teddy’s lawyer spoke and the judge threw that case out.

The second case was seen that same night by that same judge and the prosecutor gave his argument with testimony from the police officers on the raid, and told of the precedent then Teddy’s lawyer spoke and the judge threw that case out.  

The third case was seen that same night by that same judge and it was a very short trial and thrown out.

By the time the fourth case came up to the judge that night the judge declared if any cops made any more raids like this and brought it again before his court he’d throw the cops in jail.

And that’s how Teddy made it legal to sell sex toys in New York City.

When I got into the sex toy industry, I was aware of certain laws. I was warned not to sell to Arkansas. That Texas needed to have any reference to using your product in sex taken off the packaging and Novelty clearly on the packaging. What’s more, as a manufacturer of sex toys, I could not step foot in Texas, I would be arrested for making them. I haven’t been back there to see my sister near Houston since.

I never asked her but I had heard a tale that Susan Colvin, owner of Cal Exotics, had a layover in Dallas once and the Texas Rangers met her at the gate. She wore an anklet on home arrest for a year. Again, it was second hand so it may not be true but the spirit is. The law was in place a stair waiting to capture us heathens. All the older statesmen of our industry were arrested. They all have tales. I remember Michael Warner who served for printing packaging for God’s sake. Obscenity is based on subjectivity. The laws are so regional, different from d city to city, and district to district.

If you look at the case involving the sale of Mifepristone, the abortion pill, that is happening as I write this, it’s being presented to the right-leaning Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals in Amarillo Texas, a four hour drive from any major city, because the judge is a shoe in. The conservative Alliance Defending Freedom organization that brought the case and the GOP wants a slam dunk. Chances are they’ll get it. Laws are made this way

But back to Woodhull, it was a long full day symposium, there were twerking lessons and gospel singing to keep us from lulling in our seats. More than everything else though, it was a privilege to meet and bond with Ricci Joy Levy, the Executive Director. We worked together closely after that for years, fighting for sexual civil rights.  I helped with the foundations rebranding and then served on the board for several years, until my life was falling apart and I found my own service to the foundation subpar. Most of us take our sexual freedoms for granted— that we have the right to do what we do. We don’t think of the Teddy’s, the Susan’s, and the Ricci’s who’ve had to meaningfully fight to secure those rights. Sexual freedom is worth fighting for- do yourself a favor and donate to The Woodhull Freedom Foundation to help defend it. 

I had the privilege of not having to fight the courts tooth and nail to be a dildo manufacturer; I had the privilege of others having done so before me. I stood on the shoulders of giants.